today, i got a speeding ticket. honestly, being stopped by a cop has to be one of the worst in-the-moment feeling. but really, i sat in my car, while waiting for my ticket, wrestling with multiple thoughts and feelings–one was a desperate cry to God asking for grace undeserved, another was one of trying to tell myself to assume responsibility for my speeding, and just trying to calm my nerves down.

after i took the slip of paper from the cop, he left me so abruptly and quickly. in that moment, i wondered if he felt bad about having to give tickets. i doubt that giving tickets is one of his favorite responsibilities of his job description.

it also made me think how we call cops bad, etc. when they’re just doing their job, really.

it made me think about my lack of faith and trust in God. it’s just money… and a lot of time doing driving school online.. in a month or so, i’ll forget about this and probably speed again… why do i let a small thing make me feel defeated and affect my outlook on the rest of my day?

i was having such a great morning and one little thing deflated all my joy so quickly. i’m a little disappointed at how quickly i let circumstances determine my mind and my heart. i also thought about how hard it is to command one’s spirit to rejoice and to fight off the enemy’s attempts to steal, kill and destroy our joy.

REJOICE, O MY SOUL! REJOICE! PUT YOUR HOPE IN GOD.

an excerpt from Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light…

You might think that I am looking only at the joy of giving up all, and bringing joy into the Heart of Jesus.  Yes, I look at these most, but I see also what suffering the fulfillment of these two will bring.  By nature I am sensitive, love beautiful and nice things, comfort and all the comfort can give–to be loved and love.–I know that the life of a Missionary of Charity–will be minus all these.  The complete poverty, the Indian life, the life of the poorest will mean a hard toil against my great self love.  Yet, Your grace, I am longing with a true, sincere heart to begin to lead this kind of life–so as to bring joy to the suffering Heart of Jesus.–Let me go, Your grace–let us trust Him blindly.–He will see to it that our faith in Him will not be lost.